Three. Fathers are a Compass

Ephesians 6:4 And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord

As I continued to read the book “Point Man” by Steve Farrar, I came across an interesting description of fathers. The Chapter is titled “How to Raise Masculine Sons and Feminine Daughters”. In today’s culture that title is likely to ruffle some feathers because culture no longer wants to define what a woman is. The bible clearly outlines roles of husband, wife, and parents. Instead of embracing these roles, culture has tried to redefine them based on selfishness and macro comparisons of what seems fair.

What culture says:

Masculinity is toxic because it puts down feminism

Women can do everything men can do and men can do everything women can do.

Women should avoid having children and focus on their career.

Women should avoid having children, so they can maintain an attractive physical physique.

If someone is unhappy in their marriage, they should just get a divorce.

Everyone deserves to be happy.

Everyone deserves the same things.

As long as men pay child support, they are not necessary in raising children.

As long as men pay child support, they are not responsible for raising children.

Men and women should be able to have sex outside of marriage, and if it results in pregnancy … the woman has the right to abort the baby due to the “inconvenience” on their body or career.  

Men and women should be able to have as many sexual partners as possible.

Men should be able to marry men and women should be able to marry women.

Boys can be girls and girls can be boys.

Boys can play girls sports if they identify as a girl.

Parents should not discipline their children too hard, so they don’t get their feelings hurt.

Children should go to day care and school so other people can teach and discipline them. That way the parents can focus on careers and other things.

What The Bible says:

Husbands are the spiritual leaders and authority over the household.

Wives are to submit to the husband.

Husbands are to love their wives just as Christ also loved the church. (Which he died for out of love, grace, and mercy)

Husbands are to respect their wives, protect their wives as fellow heirs of the gracious gift of life.

Men and men alone are called to be pastors and elders of the church.

Marriage is between one man and one woman for life.

Divorce is viewed as adulterous.

God gives you what you need, not always what you want.

We should not compare ourselves to our neighbor, nor be jealous of others.

God instructs married couples to have children.

Sex is a gift given by God as a covenant between man and woman.

Sexual Immorality is a relationship destroyer. It is the only sin that Paul says to flee from instead of standing your ground and resisting.

Parents are to raise their children in good discipline of their authority and of God’s.

Children are to obey and respect their parents.

We are all God’s creation. God’s creation is male or female. There are no other genders. To say you were born the wrong gender is to rebuke God as not being sovereign and in control. God created us by his perfect design just the way you are. You are not a boy trapped in a girl’s body.

Parents number one job is to raise their children (who are gifts from God) learning and fearing God. Parents are to raise their children in a godly house. That means teaching scripture, praying together, and worshipping together.

So…

God gives us a pretty good template for the family dynamic he intended for his creation. Without knowing the bible, it is very easy for us to allow society’s version to become our own. This makes it that much more important that parents are rooted in the word of God.

Back to Ephesians 6:4. While children are to obey and respect parents, fathers are not to provoke them to anger. This is saying fathers are not to deliberately cause their children to disobey and be disrespectful. But the last part of the verse is where I want to focus on.

“…. Bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord”. Here Paul makes his statement on how fathers can be the compass for their kids. If fathers are bringing kids up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord, he is teaching them how to be obedient to God and therefore how to be obedient to the parents. This is done by teaching children and by being an example upon which children learn to mimic and emulate. If the father is standing by biblical principles, his example and teaching will be reflected in the children.

If children see the father reading the bible routinely, they are more likely to do the same. If children see the father praying routinely, they are more likely to do the same. If children see the father serving the church, they are more likely to do the same. And the same goes for:

Seeking forgiveness, being slow to anger, loving a wife/mother, remaining romantically faithful to their wife, tithing to their church, intentionally speaking about God, intentionally giving to others, forgiving others, fellowshipping, prioritizing God daily, serving God, witnessing, being content in a consumer world, giving God praise in all circumstances, and etc.

Why is this so important? Children in America have an identity problem. In the book Point Man, Farrar quotes John Piper saying,

“The tendency today is to stress the equality of men and women by minimizing the unique significance of maleness and femaleness. It is taking a tremendous toll on generations of young men and women who do not know what it means to be a man or a woman. Confusion over the meaning of sexual personhood is epidemic… The consequence… is more divorce, more homosexuality, more sexual abuse, more promiscuity, more social awkwardness, and more emotional distress and suicide that comes with the loss of God-given identity.”

How can we fix this? Let’s start with fathers showing their wives and children what a man of God looks and acts like. Then, wives start showing their kids what a woman of God looks and acts like. Not only show it… but talk about it. Explain it. Point it out in the bible.

Let’s ruffle some more feathers. Fathers…. Stop letting other people raise your children. Stop letting TV shows show your kids an example of a family. Stop letting sports dominate your family time. Stop letting public schools indoctrinate your kids while you just sit and watch. Stop letting social media and other online activities affect your children’s minds.

Changing some of those things may seem daunting. Maybe even impossible. If it becomes important enough to you, I believe you can find a way.

How else can fathers be a good compass for their children?

·         Be there. There are many things in the world that pull fathers from just simply being there. Career ambition, selfishness, a ruined marriage, laziness, time consuming hobbies, having children outside of marriage, and plenty of other reasons. More than likely, the root cause is selfishness.

·         Be spiritually fit. This term also came from the book “Point Man”. It means to be spiritually exercising through routinely praying and reading scripture. Fathers must be continuously working on their own spiritual foundation for them to be successful in guiding their children to do the same.

·         Open the bible and read it. Read it with your wife. Read it with your children. Read it with both your wife and your children. This seems like it should be obvious. But how many men are stepping outside of their private time in The Word to read it and discuss it with the rest of the family? What an example this sets with the rest of the family! I grew up in a house that went to church every Sunday. We called ourselves Christians. I can’t recall any time after early childhood that I ever saw my father open a bible. So, it was easy for me to assume that it must not be that important outside of Sunday School. Open the Bible. Read it out loud with everyone. Talk about it. Let your family know that time together in God’s word is important.

·         Pray with your wife and children. This one parallels reading the bible. Again, I can’t recall anytime that my father ever prayed with me. I also don’t think I ever saw my dad pray outside of church. Praying out loud with your family not only draws your family closer to God, but it is a great way to teach the importance of prayer. It also should be teaching the way they should be praying.

·         Use scripture to help teach your kids. It is easy to discipline children with the basics of right and wrong. But, it is more important to teach them what God says about right and wrong. What does The Bible say about jealousy? What does it say about anger? What does it say about how to treat other people? What does it say about sexual immorality? Discipline in this form teaches right and wrong and scripture at the same time. Why would we want to miss out on this opportunity?

·         Worship together. It is easy to all sit together at church and sing and worship God. What are you doing outside of church to worship God? Are you finding time to talk or sing His praises?

·         Serve together. Find opportunities at church or in your community to serve together. Maybe it is as simple as “clean-up duty” after a church service. Or maybe it is going into the community to help clean an elderly / sick person’s house. It can be so many things.

Fathers need to take back control of the family. We need to take back the role that was given to us by God. Men need to push back darkness, stand firm in their faith, seek God, and become the spiritual leaders of the family God created us to be.